Weird
by CrystaliziedRose
Summary: Collection of oneshots Our favorite group won’t know what hit them when they're put in awkward positions that are good for us but bad for them! Chapter 14: Homicidal elf, trigger-happy families, and the Easter Bunny who just won't die.
1. We Choose to Ignore Facts

**WARNING! All KIKYO LOVERS TURN AWAY! OR RISK GETTING ANGRY!**

Crystal: Hiiii! We're baaaacccckkkk!

Phoenix: We have something different for you today!

Crystal: (GAAAAAASSSSSSSPPPP) Woo, I feel woozy! (Faints)

Phoenix: (Pushes her body into moat) Yeah, anyway on with the story!

Crystal: (Pulls herself out) Oh yeah we don't own Inuyasha!

* * *

**The Puppet Show!**

In a VERY boring hut were some VERY bored people. "Must….stop…..crushing….boredom," cried Shippo as he crawled to his toys.

Inuyasha glared at him and bopped him on the head. (A/N: Meanie!) "If I gotta be bored so do you."

"Sit," Kagome sighed, "I can't even take pleasure in that anymore!"

"God, I wish a demon would attack already!" Sango sobbed reaching for her boomerang to knock herself out.

All of a sudden a loud noise echoed around the hut. "Finally, some action," smirked Inuyasha. He carefully opened Kagome's bag, where the noise was coming from, and out popped Phoenix and Crystal!

"That was your worst idea yet," coughed Crystal.

Phoenix smirked, "keyword is yet."

"AHHHH! It's them," cried Inuyasha, shivering as he ducking behind Shippo.

Shippo rolled his cute, adorable, extra-huggable eyes and said, "That will do a lot of good, dog-boy!"

Crystal looked at Inuyasha, got out of the bag and much to Inuyasha's horror she grinned, "You remember us! How sweet!"

Meanwhile Phoenix was pestering Sango to teach her how to use the Bone Boomerang. "Please, Please! I want to learn how to use a lethal weapon!"

"Other then a gun!" piped up Crystal.

Phoenix glared at her and continued begging until Kagome spoke up. "Why are you here?"

The destructive duo smiled at them and Phoenix said, "We heard you were bored!"

Then Crystal added, "What better way to defeat the boredom monster then…….us!" They struck a pose.

"We're gonna put on a puppet show!" grinned Phoenix, "And it's gonna be all about the love triangle of Kikyo, (ech), Kagome, (yay) and Inuyasha (drool)!"

Crystal ushered everyone out and yelled, "Out, out! We have work to do!"

As Kagome and everyone else sat around outside Miroku piped up, "Should we be worried?"

* * *

Phoenix ran out of the hut and gathered everyone, "Get ready!" She ran behind a mini stage and said, "This is called 'The Inuyasha and Kagome love story and the death of the evil, creepy, interfering, crazy Naraku and Kikyo!'"

"Maybe we should shorten it," asked Crystal.

"Why, it explains everything so well!" Phoenix said, bouncing up and down for some reason that the authors have not figured out.

All of a sudden the lights went down (A/N: do they have lights in the Feudal Era?) and the puppet show began.

_In the beginning there was a bitchy priestess named Kikyo. (Phoenix lifts a crude, deranged puppet) Kikyo, AKA the Mega-Bitch, fooled the handsome Inu-boy into thinking he was in love with her. (Crystal lifts very handsome doll)_

_As Puppet Inuyasha approached the Kikyo doll, he cried, "I love you!" _

_The Kikyo doll smirked and said, "Inuyasha, you do not know what a witch I am but I love you too." The two dolls kissed each other._

_(Phoenix muttered, "I'm so ashamed.")_

_One day Kikyo left Inuyasha to take care of a bandit with first degree burn. (Crystal holds up what looks like petrified shit)_

_(Phoenix stared and whispered, "You hate Onigumo THAT much?" Crystal shrugged and said, "So sue me!")_

_While Kikyo was gone Kagome appeared! _

_(Kagome cried out, "That's IMPOSSIBLE! I wasn't born for hundreds of years!" Phoenix shrugged and said, "Eh, we're doing this our way.")_

_Kagome saw Inuyasha all sad because you-know-who was gone so she comforted him in his time of need._

_(Inuyasha growled, "I don't have a time of need!" as Kagome moaned, "That never happened!" But all Crystal did was glare at them for interrupting)_

_Kikyo saw as time went by how the duos friendship strengthened and she became worried so she began plotting with the newly born Naraku to split them up! (Phoenix lifts a ball of fluff)_

_(Shippo looked at it and wondered out loud, "Why didn't you make Naraku a puppet?"_

_Crystal smirked and said, "We couldn't find anything eviler." Kagome made a face, "Fluff is evil?" Phoenix answered, "You would know if you spent time with it.")_

_Kikyo and Naraku's plan to split the two up was very simple, they were to seduce them, Naraku got Kagome and Kikyo got Inuyasha!_

_Naraku found Kagome first, "Hello, Kagome," he said smoothly._

_"__Um?" Kagome said, not sure what to say._

_Naraku continued, "Your hair is so pretty. Just like this flower," he said, picking up the flower, which dries and cripples in his hand._

_Kagome smiled nervously, "I gotta go!"_

_"__No, stay! I'm ever so lonely!"_

_(Phoenix gagged and grumbled, "Can't stop! Must hurl!" Crystal put her arms around her and whispered, "Its ok! Breathe, breathe.)_

_Meanwhile Inuyasha was being seduced by Kikyo._

_"__Hello, Inuyasha." Kikyo smiled seductively._

_Inuyasha blinked and said, "Uh? Hey."_

_Kikyo then said in a low whisper, "I feel so hot, how about you rub sunscreen on me?"_

_(Kagome gasped and angrily said, "There's no sunscreen in the Feudal Era!"_

_Phoenix glared and said, "Stop bringing me down!")_

_Inuyasha laughed nervously and said, "I gotta go!" And he ran away._

_Soon Inuyasha and Kagome met up, conversed about what happened and figured out what was going on._

_Kagome growled and said, "I can't believe they'd do that!"_

_(Sango put her hand up and said, "I can!" Crystal snarled, "God, would you all shut up," as she shot Sango with a tranquilizer dart.)_

_Inuyasha growled, "Yeah, let's go get them!"_

_Kagome raised her fist and yelled, "YEAH!"_

_(Phoenix yelled happily, "YEAHHHHH!" Crystal stared and muttered, "You're too into this.")_

_Inuyasha smirked and said, "Let's GOOOOO!"_

_Kagome and Inuyasha ran towards Kikyo and Naraku._

_Kagome snarled, "I'll take the bitch you take the man whore!" _

_Kagome and Inuyasha beat up Naraku and Kikyo and lived happily ever after!_

Phoenix continued stabbing the Kikyo doll while saying, "Stupid…meddler…in….the….affairs…of ……the….heart!"

Crystal smiled at the audience and said, "What do you think?"

They all just stared, completely speechless.

Phoenix smirked and said, "Exactly!"

Miroku was one of the first people to react, "Why weren't we in it?"

Sango, who was still under the effects of the elephant tranqulizer yelled, "YEAH!"

Crystal simply said, "You weren't important."

Shippo stared with his big eyes and said, "Why wasn't I in it?"

Phoenix gave him a deadpanned look, "Do you really want to know?"

Everyone left, getting quite tired of the crazy antics of those two.

Crystal looked at Phoenix and asked, "How are we supposed to get home?"

Phoenix thought for a long while before shrugging.

Crystal sighed before saying, "Oh okay, let's go chase the village chickens!"

Phoenix ran out of the hut screaming, "YAHHOOOO!"

**THE END!**


	2. The future is not for the faint of heart

Phoenix: Hiiii

Crystal: I bet I can Hiii better then you!

Phoenix: Can not….Hiiiii!

Crystal: Hiiiiiiiiii!

Phoenix: Hiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii

Crystal: (Takes deep breathe) HIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII!

Disclaimer: We don't own Inuyasha; we only use him for our sick purposes!

Oh, yeah and all the times we comment on something will be in brackets!

* * *

**A Little Crazy  
**

"Stupid wench can't even be on time getting back!" Inuyasha grumbled as she jumped into Kagome's second story bedroom window. "Where is that wench?" He grumbled when he realized the scent in the room was old. "Damn wench must have gone to that 'skool' thing!" (Do you realize he's said wench, like, three times already?)

Inuyasha looked around the room and snorted setting himself down on her bed. "If she thinks she can get away from me by leaving, I'll wait here 'till she gets back. She ain't getting rid of me that easily!"

It took a whole five seconds until Inuyasha got hungry and bored, he stood up and opened Kagome's door. He looked around and when he saw or smelled that no one was near he went to the kitchen.

"Feh, the whole family is gone." Inuyasha looked at the strange appliances he has seen Kagome use so many times. "They can't be that hard to use if _Kagome_ uses them."

He moved toward the blender and stared inside it. "Kagome put those apples and bananas in there to make that watery thing. I can use this."

Inuyasha rummaged around the room until he found some apples and bananas. He placed them all in the blender and stared at it. "Well, go! Work, you thing" He stared at the blender, waiting for it to work. "Maybe one of these buttons will work." He pressed the red button on the blender and all hell broke loose.

Soon bananas and apples were flying everywhere splattering every part of the kitchen and Inuyasha, "Evil!……….Wait, didn't Kagome use that lid thing"

"Well, if we're supposed to use it, it should be in plain sight!" He looked around for it and found it next to the messy blender. "………Oh……."

Inuyasha grunted and said, "Well, males weren't built to cook anyway!" (God, how macho can you get?) He resumed looking for something to eat.

"What's this? Pu-reee-naaa, (Purina cat chow) looks like food to me." Inuyasha ripped open the bag and heard soft running as Buyo sprinted into the room, flab jiggling everywhere, and sat himself down on Inuyasha's feet, "Meow?" Inuyasha looked down at him with a face full of food.

"Go away, this is my food!" Buyo hissed and lowered his front and hind legs. Inuyasha growled, got on his hands and feet and began barking "WOOF! WOOF! I'll RUFF you if you don't get away from my food!" (What can we say? He's a testosterone filled dog.) Buyo scampered away in fright as Inuyasha smirked and continued eating.

When his hand touched the bottom of the chow bag he realized he was kind of messy and proceeded to clean himself, "It's really hard to get to ass like this. Doesn't Kagome have those fancy soaps in her bathroom?" He went upstairs and walked into Kagome's bathroom.

"There they are." He picked up the soaps but noticed something unfamiliar next to them. A small stick with a large flat end a sharp metal on the flat edge, (razor) he grabbed for it and smelled it. "It doesn't smell like Kagome's soaps so it has got to be food." (This guy is really food orientated, isn't he?) He stuffed the whole thing in his mouth and tried to swallow though he only got a large dosage of pain.

"OW! GODDAMN IT! WHAT IS THAT THING!" he screeched as the razor cut his mouth and he spit it out. "Kagome's time has a lot of dangerous things!" Inuyasha ran back into Kagome's room and sat down again. "What should I do now? If I go outside Kagome will sit me until I reach hell." He shuddered at the thought.

Inuyasha sighed and lay down on the bed until in the corner of his eye he saw a red paper lying on Kagome's desk. He remembered the last time he took something off the desk. That's when he learned that math books weren't just boring, they're heavy. But Kagome wasn't around so he picked it up, sniffed and read it.

"'_5 Great Tips To Train Your Dog.'_ Why would Kagome want that? She doesn't have a dog...shouldn't this mean something to me? Hm...oh, GRRRRR!" (Took him long enough) Inuyasha glared at the offensive paper before opening the window and throwing it out.

All of a sudden Inuyasha caught the sound of the front door opening and people talking. "Kagome's home, I'll give her a piece of my mind. (He shouldn't be quick to share, he wouldn't have anything left) Wait………………………..the kitchen!"

He raced down the stairs and through himself to the floor, licking it. "Must. Get. Clean!" He froze when Mrs. Higurashi entered the kitchen and smiled at him before looking around. "What the hel- I mean heck!" She stared at him and fainted dead away but not before screaming, "I really meant hell, you kitchen-killing ass!"

Meanwhile Souta licked the wall, "Mmm, Banana-y goodness."

Kagome grabbed Inuyasha's ear and pulled him into her room. She sat him down and yelled, "What did you do! My kitchen is a mess!"

Inuyasha gave her his best innocent look with one ear drooping, "I was hungry." He smiled at her and waited for her to gush. (AW! You got to love THAT)

"Oh no, you don't! I don't fall for it when Shippo does it, I won't fall for it when you do it!" (Stupid strong willed girl)

Inuyasha dropped the routine and scowled, "Well, you have weird stuff in this time that I don't like!"

"So you took it out on my kitchen!"

Inuyasha growled and changed the subject, "You're coming back with me right now!"

Kagome closed her eyes and counted, "Ok Kagome, relax and don't do anything drastic even if it'll make you feel a WHOLE lot better….oh what the hell! SIT!"

Inuyasha hit the floor and grunted, "Goddamnit!"

Kagome smiled, "That does feel better." She walked out of the room, pausing at the doorway. "You better be gone when I come back!"

Inuyasha stared at the doorway and walked to the window, he looked at the cars whizzing by the shrine and muttered, "Whatever, like I want to stay in her weird time." He jumped out of the window and onto the well house's roof.

"Inuyasha, Inuyasha, wait!" He turned around to see Souta running towards him. "What's up kid?"

"I got you something!" He held out something small in his hands and gave to him. Souta took off quickly.

Inuyasha opened his hands and sweat dropped at what he saw, a small chew toy. "Does everybody think I'm a dog!" He looked at the toy for a second and looked around before sticking it in his pants and jiggling a little bit, (Um….yeah.) why nobody knows, not even the authors.

* * *

Phoenix: Voila mes ami!

Crystal: YAYYY!

Phoenix…………Well, what are you waiting for?

Crystal: We're not gonna waste your time by saying anything witty-

Inuyasha: Like you ever do?

Phoenix: AHEM! So review! Review! REVIEWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW please! PLEASE PLEASE- I can do this forever!

Crystal: She really can!

Phoenix: PLEASE!


	3. Mindreading: That Says it All

Crystal: Hi! Phoenix and I kinda had a fight about what we should put here!

Phoenix: Yeah, and she had a stupid reason as to why we should use her idea!

Crystal: It is MY account!

Phoenix: Haven't you heard sharing rhymes with caring!

Crystal: Since when do I care?

Phoenix: Oh yeah……..

Disclaimer: Do we ever own anything? (Phoenix: I own an Inuyasha Manga! Crystal: Your mom bought it for you so it kinda belongs to her. Phoenix: That's right, bring me down!)

* * *

**Mind Reader**

"Inuyasha, how far away is this village that "most definitely has a jewel shard?"" Kagome said tiredly, after all they had been walking all day without a second of a break.

Inuyasha growled at her. "Be quiet, we'll be there soon!"

Miroku looked at Sango and sighed. "Alas, Another weary day of travel. It gets old fast."

"Amen to that, brother." Kagome agreed.

Sango gave her a weird look, "What does that mean?"

"Well-" Kagome stopped and swayed slightly.

Inuyasha was at her side instantly. "What's the matter," He noticed the looks he received, "I mean, do you sense a shard?"

Kagome shook her head. "No, but I felt something powerful. It's coming right at us!" She turned her head and pointed to a large clump of trees.

All of a sudden a little girl stepped out of them. She smiled at them. "Hello."

Inuyasha stared at her before laughing, "Her? She is powerful? She's even too small for Miroku to grope!"

"Hey!" Miroku said, offended.

The little girl blinked at them and smiled. "I want to play with you. You're all going to come with me, right now!" The girl waved her hand and beckoned them towards her. Miroku, Sango, Shippo and even Inuyasha were lifted up and pulled forward by an unknown force. But Kagome stayed where she was, maybe it was her miko powers that stopped the girls spell from working on her but Kagome wasn't about to let her take her friends.

"Wait! You can't just take them!" Kagome grabbed onto Sango's hand, who grabbed Shippo's hand, who grabbed Miroku's hand, who grabbed Inuyasha's hand, who grimaced at having to touch Miroku. Kagome pulled them towards her and away from the scowling girl.

"You stop that now! Ooh, I'm gonna get you good for taking away my toys!" The girl snarled, her face twisting from an innocent expression into a menacing one. She lifted her hand and a ball of light energy that gradually got bigger was aimed at Kagome. "You die now!" The light exploded from her hand and hurtled at Kagome.

Kagome gasped and raised her hands as her only defense, seeing as her friends were still hanging in midair. She closed her eyes and felt the ball sweep over her. She opened her eyes to see everyone standing there, as if waiting for something to happen.

The girl cursed and hit herself on the head, "Stupid idiot! That was the wrong spell….can't believe I…" she walked away, muttering to herself.

Kagome blinked. "That was…..weird."

Shippo jumped on her shoulder. "That was cool, the light thingy just went inside you. Do you feel weird?"

Kagome shrugged. "I've been better. Come on; let's go to Kaede's for the night."

* * *

Kagome sighed as she sipped her soup. _'Ah, this is good, so relaxing.'_

She settled down, leaning against the wall when she heard something. _'I wonder what Sango would do if I snuck into her bed?' _Kagome blinked and turned to Miroku. "She'll hit you of course."

Miroku stared at her with a confused expression. "What?"

"You just asked what Sango would do if you snuck into her bed."

Miroku thought for a second. "Did I think that out loud?" Of course, Sango hit him for that.

Kagome shook her head. "You must have." She sighed again and relaxed. Her eyes settled on the eating Shippo.

'_I love candy. Doo doo doo do do, I love candy. I wonder if Kagome will bring more.'_

Kagome sat up straight. _'Ok I know his mouth didn't move. But how's that possible? Unless...that girl! That spell she cast on me must have made me able to read minds. Wait……this could be kinda cool. Let's see what Miroku is thinking.' _She concentrated on Miroku. (A/N: Can you say 'stupid.'?)

'_Those women in Kagome-sama's magazines are certainly beautiful. I wonder what Sango-chan would look like in those skimpy bathing suits.' _Of course he got into a few fantasies, all which disturbed Kagome.

"God, Miroku, Ewwwww!" Kagome said, covering Shippo's ears, forgetting that no one else but her could here his thoughts.

"What! What did I do?" Miroku looked around and Sango hit him.

Miroku whined, "But what did I do?"

"I don't know. But it had to be perverted." Sango shrugged,

Miroku pouted. "You people always think the worst of me."

When things quieted down Kagome silently sighed. _'O…k, stupid idea! But…what about Inuyasha?'_

She looked at Inuyasha. _'………… (Crickets chirp)……………'_

She sweatdropped, _'I could've guessed that. Well, I guess I better tell the others, I don't want to be stuck with this forever.' _Kagome looked at her friends. "Um, guys? I got something I should tell you."

They looked at her expectantly.

"You see, Miroku didn't do anything perverted, well he did, but in his head. I sorta read his mind."

They stared at her and Sango glared at Miroku. "What other stuff did he think?"

"You don't want to know." Kagome laughed nervously.

Inuyasha piped up, "How?"

"Well, remember that little girl? Her spell must have done this."

Kaede looked at Kagome and asked. "This young girl, did she seem demon-like?"

Kagome nodded. "Definitely demonic, if someone was demonic it would be her. Demonic must be her middle-"

Kaede cleared her throat as a sign for Kagome to shut up. "Hmm, just as I thought, there has been a young demon girl terrorizing our neighboring village. They have asked my help to banish her but she keeps disappearing into her home, deep in the mountains and any man who goes looking for her never comes back."

Inuyasha smirked. "Then maybe she's got some shards. We'll find her and kill her to free Kagome of her spell."

Kaede nodded, "Then you shall leave tomorrow."

* * *

Kagome growled angrily. "Will you all stop thinking so much? God, it's like you never shut up!"

Miroku leaned to Sango. "She's certainly grumpy, isn't she?"

Sango nodded. "I would be too if I had your thoughts running around my head."

Kagome glared at them and turned away. "Inuyasha seems to be the only one who gives me a little bit of relief."

The hanyou smirked. "Yeah…..wait, hey!" He scowled at Kagome and the others who were laughing quite hard.

Kagome giggled, her mood brightened. She reached and petted his head, "Poor puppy, did I confuse you?"

Inuyasha jerked away and jumped into a tree to pout.

"Come on, Inuyasha, we don't have all day. We gotta get going!" Kagome yelled up to him

Inuyasha just shifted and turned away from her. "Feh!"

Kagome growled. "Well 'Feh' to you too! Now SIT!"

Inuyasha yelped as he was dragged down by the necklace. Ah, he hadn't seen his good friend ground for a while. He couldn't say he missed it.

"Now come on! And don't think I didn't hear those thoughts about me. The one time you do think and it's something mean. Tsk Tsk, Inuyasha."

The group set off into the woods, heading towards the mountains. _'Maybe, up here I'll see some rabbits! Those sexy rabbits…mmmm.'_

Kagome looked at her friends with wide eyes. _'I don't think I want to know who thought that!' _She shuddered and continued walking.

* * *

**5 hours later**

"Look there's the village!" Kagome pointed to the small town, happy to be near the place that might rid her of the spell. The thoughts her friends had were disturbingly disturbing. She pulled the others into the village and was bombarded with thoughts.

'_I wonder if I should buy a chicken."_

'_That woman is way too demanding, one day I'll just take a shovel and hit upside the head again and again and again…'_

'_I wonder what would happen if I threw a rock at my father?'_

'_I've got a lovely bunch of coconuts and their all standing in a row! Big ones! Small ones! Some as big as your head!'_

Kagome sweatdropped and looked around at the people. Guess it's true what they say; you can never tell if someone's crazy just by looking at them. She turned to her friends.

'_Ah, the pleasure that is Sango's bottom!'_

'_Ah, the pleasure that is Miroku's hand on my bottom!'_

'_Ah…well, I don't know! But everyone else was ah-ing!'_

'_Ah, the pleasure that is Kagome's skirt in a draft!'_

Kagome glared at Inuyasha who looked at her. "Did you hear that?"

"Mm-hm!"

"Oh well….how about we find that girl!"

Kagome turned away and held her skirt down. They continued down the pathway through the village until Kagome realized something. "Hey, does anybody know which direction we should be going?" They all turned to Inuyasha, who shrugged.

Miroku, who was ogling some girls, spoke up. "Let's just see the village priestess." Everyone agreed and they were on there way. When they finally found the hut of the local miko they pulled back the straw flap and entered.

"Who goes?" An aged woman said, coming out of the shadows.

"Um, my name's Kagome and these are my friends. We need a little help, you see a little girl with powers cast a spell on me and now I can read minds. We need to figure out how to get rid of it." Kagome said smiling at the woman.

"A girl! Oh no! You mustn't go to the mountain of the evil one….evil one….evil one." The woman shrank back and disappeared still muttering.

Inuyasha raised an eyebrow. "I should wack that hag once or twice because that was no help."

"Ya think?" Shippo said sarcastically.

"Well, she did mention the mountains so now we know that is definitely where she lives." Sango said reasoning to the irate hanyou.

Kagome clapped. "Then that's that! We're going to the mountains….that none have ever come out of….that's not very comforting is it? Oh well." She led the way marching determinedly to the large mountain.

"She's a little eager to get our thoughts out her head, huh." Shippo whispered to the others who gave one another a look before running into the forest covering the mountains that had swallowed her up.

Kagome sighed as she heard the others catch up. She thought that maybe for a second she could have a she could listen to her own thoughts. even though they were equally scary. They continued to walk when a thought hit Kagome, but not her own thought. _'Let's see, how many carcasses do I have here? 1…3…1000023! A new record! Ooh, the other demons will be soooo jealous!'_ The voice sounded familiar. Kagome turned to a neck of the woods that was hidden in the trees.

She signaled to the others to follow and led them through the thick trees to a house where a certain little girl was skipping and jumping. Kagome walked up to the house and nodded Inuyasha to capture the girl. He snuck up behind her and grabbed her by the neck.

"What's going on? Let go of me! I have rights you know! I'll sue the pants off of you!" She looked at Kirara. "You don't wear pants do you? Well, I'll sue the fur off you! That's right!" The little girl struggled and yelled some things that would not allow. She looked at Kagome and blinked, "You again, huh?"

Kagome glared at her. "Yes, me again, I want to know how to get rid of that spell you cast on me!"

The little girl looked like she was deep in though before answering. "Sorry, can't help you. I can't remember."

Kagome's vein popped out. "Oh, you'll remember! When I take off this shoe and hit your sorry demon hide you'll remember!" She took off her shoe and meant to hit the girl.

"Ok! God, you don't have to get so touchy, man! Some people have no respect for powerful figures like moi!" She pushed away from Inuyasha. "Just for that, I'm not going to cure you!"

"Ok! That's it, Inuyasha you better hold me back before I pistol whip the little girl!" Kagome growled.

Inuyasha sweatdropped, "Don't you need a pistol for that?"

"Oh yeah…." While she pondered that Shippo poked her side, "can't you read? I'm pondering!"

"But she's getting away." Shippo pointed to the girl who was sneaking off into the woods.

"Get her!" Kagome grabbed the girl and head locked her, "now, you better fix me before I have to get rough with you."

"Aren't you already getting rough with me?"

Kagome scowled, "Hmm, I guess I am. Well, before I get more rough with you! Or is it rougher?"

Miroku piped up happily, "There's a lot of rough housing going on!" Of course Sango hit him for that!

The girl whimpered as Kagome tightened her hold on her. "Okay, I'll tell you! But you have to let me go!"

Kagome thought about this. "………..no."

"Oh, well. Fine I'll tell you. The cure is…" Everyone leaned in close, "milk."

"Milk," Kagome asked, bewildered, (A/N: Big word! Ooh!) "We went to all that trouble and the cure was milk?"

"Well of course! Milk is a substantial part our diet! It fixes everything!" Suddenly the girl sounded like an ad commercial.

"Oh, well, okay! Bye!" Kagome said, dazed, turning to leave. But before she they could she turned back, "By the way, what's your name?"

The girl smiled mischievously. "Well, that's easy! My name's Phoenix!"

All of a sudden everyone shivered and Shippo said, "That sounds strangely familiar."

The girl simply laughed and laughed and laughed as the Inu-group made there way cautiously down the mountain, though they were glad to be rid of the nut.

Back in the home of Phoenix a girl popped out, "Hey, they gone yet?"

"Yup."

"Good, it's time to plan! There end will come! MWAHAHAHA!"

Phoenix shook her head, took out her taser and shocked her. The girl shook herself of before saying, "Oh thanks, I went a little overboard."

Phoenix put her arm around her. "Lets go, my dear cousin! Time to torture anime characters!"

The girl giggled, "Yay! I like torturing!"

"Don't we all," Phoenix sighed wistfully.

* * *

Phoenix: Oh, you done? Good, now be quiet we're hiding from the Amal.

Crystal: Aka: Phoenix's sister.

Phoenix: So you can imagine how scary she is.

Amal: Yoo-hoo where are you! (Opens door) There you are!

Crystal: Keep absolutely still, maybe she hasn't noticed us.

Phoenix: (Sweatdrop) Suuure.

Amal: Anyhoo, while I kill these two, you better REVIEW or I'll come after you next!

(Screen blacks out to screaming and the sound of sirens)

Crystal: (Pops out of nowhere) Don't forget! REEEEEEEEEEEEEEVVVVVVIIEEWW!


	4. Cinderella Was a Whiner

Phoenix: Hi!

Crystal: moo, moo, moo, moooo!

Phoenix: Trans: I am a smelly, dirty monkey.

Crystal: (Looks angry) MOO! MOO! MOO! MOOOO!

Phoenix: Trans: Sniff me and die, literally.

Crystal: MOOOOOO! MOOOOOO! MOOOO!

Phoenix: Trans: I stink like a smelly sock!

Crystal: Screw it! I'm trying to say this chappie is kind of a spur of the moment. It's a little more sad…and scary. And that there's death in this! But still funny…I hope.

* * *

**Cinderella….ish**

Kagome giggled as she tickled Shippo's stomach. "You give up?"

"Never," Shippo screamed between his laughter.

"Okay, come on, time for bed." Kagome said, patting his tummy and smiling at him.

The kitsune stuck out his bottom lip and pouted. "I don't want to!"

"How about if I read you a story you go to bed?"

Shippo thought for a second and nodded. He jumped into the sleeping bag and cuddled in.

Kagome sat herself beside him and looked to the others, who were obviously listening. "Once upon a time there lived a beautiful maiden who lived with her father. One day her father came to her and told her….."

* * *

_**(Story sequence with the characters of Inuyasha playing the story characters)**_

_Kagome gasped and stood up from where she sat. "You're getting married!"_

"_She's wonderful darling! She has two lovely daughters I'm sure you'll get along with." her father said, begging her not to argue._

_Kagome saw him plead and her eyes softened. "Okay…"_

_**A few days later**_

_Kagome plastered on her fake smile, for her stepsisters and her new mother were arriving today. She inwardly groaned as she saw the carriage make its way down the dirt road. She had hoped they had fallen in a ditch or something._

("Kagome isn't that a little mean?" Shippo asked.

"Yeah, but come on. You have to understand.")

_The carriage door swung open to reveal a young woman and two pretty girls. Though there looks were ruined by the matching scowls on there faces. "What is this?" The woman asked._

_Kagome's father walked up to her and gave her a very unromantic kiss on the cheek. "Tsubaki welcome to my home! This is my daughter, Kagome."_

_Tsubaki looked at her and glared at the beauty standing before her, she was obviously angry that she was more beautiful then her and her daughters. "Hum, well these are my daughters. Kikyo," The girl bowed and glared at Kagome, "And Yura." The other girl simply glared without bowing._

"_It's nice to meet you," Kagome said, sticking out her hand to the girls. Kikyo raised an eyebrow and slapped it away. Yura screeched and whacked it._

_Kagome sweatdropped and smiled. "Well, I'll be heading into the house."_

_Kikyo stared as if expecting something. When nothing happened she sighed. "Well? Take our bags!"_

_Kagome gaped, not believing she had expected her to take her bags. But she wanted to get off on a good foot with these people so… "Okay." She picked them up and walked into the house, missing Kikyo grin to her sister. _

_After they were all settled they met at the dinner table. Kagome's father smiled at them all, "It's wonderful to see us all together."_

_Tsubaki simply hmphed and Kagome felt a sick feeling grow in her stomach knowing this woman would share her fathers bed like her mother did. "First thing we have to do is get rid of all these pictures of your last wife." Kagome gasped and shook her head at her father, who simply gave her a sheepish smile._

_He sighed, "Let's let Kagome keep some. She was very close to her mother."_

_Tsubaki frowned but nodded._

_Kagome felt relieved but also betrayed by her father._

_**5 years later**_

_Ever since Kagome met the horrible people who would soon be her family she knew her life would be awful. But today was the worst day yet. She sat beside her father's deathbed and whispered comforting words, knowing he wouldn't be with her for long. She was soon shooed out._

_A week later the doctor came and shook his head. An onslaught of tears attacked her and she barricaded herself in her room._

_More then a month later Kagome found herself cleaning the chimney and a gun fell out of it. (_A/N: Here we go!) _She smiled and thanked Sango who had an unlimited supply of lethal weapons. She walked into the room belonging to her FAVORITE sister Kikyo. _

_Kikyo moaned in her sleep and woke up as if sensing her imminent death. She looked to see Kagome standing at the foot of her bed with a gun. "What are you doing?" _

_Kagome simply cracked a smile before… BANG, BANG, BANG! Kagome sighed happily and walked into her other sister's room._

_Yura was putting on her clothes when she saw the door open to a crazy Kagome. "No!"_

_Kagome laughed manically and shot. "HAHA!" BANG! "HAHAHA!"_

_Tsubaki ran into the room and screamed. "No, Kagome I'm you're mother, you can't do this!" You know what happened._

_The next day Kagome left the house and walked into the woods, cackling and carrying her gun.

* * *

_

_A young girl asked her mother, "Mommy, why do we have to be home before five?"_

"_Because le chubacrazy comes out at that time."_

_(End)

* * *

_

Kagome finished her story and was surprised to see Shippo cowering in her bag. "What's wrong?"

"Will the chubacrazy be able to get me in here?"

Kagome laughed lightly and patted the bed. "It's just a story Shippo. Come to bed."

Shippo nodded and burrowed deeply into the sleeping bag.

When everyone was asleep Kagome opened up a secret compartment in the hut. Inside were three familiar heads and a gun. She walked out of the hut with the gun and cackled, for the chubacrazy killed again!

* * *

Phoenix: Well, did you like it?

Crystal: Ja.

Phoenix: Please review!

Crystal: Ja.

Phoenix: Is that all you can say?

Crystal: Ja.

Phoenix: You won't trick me again!

Crystal: (Takes off mask to reveal Kagome)

Phoenix: AHH! (Runs into moat)

Crystal: (Takes off another mask.) That was fun, Phoenix! Phoenix?

(Phoenix's body floats up to the top, but this time there are piranhas.)

REEEVVVIIIEEEWWW!


	5. Bloopers: Phoenix Has a Heart Attack

Phoenix: Hey! I just want to say that-

Crystal: WOOF, WOOF!

Phoenix: Yeah, she's been like that all day.

Crystal: (Runs around on all fours) Pant, pant. Food, food, I smell food! Pant, Pant!

Phoenix: I should never have let her have those dog treats! They were on store for Inuyasha!

Crystal: (Perks up and runs to door) I smell FOOD!

Phoenix: Huh? (Opens door) Jaken?

Crystal: FOOD! (Attacks and chews on him)……….EWWWWW! PICKLES!

Phoenix: Pickles?

PS: Major Spoiler!

* * *

**Bloopers**

Phoenix smiled into the camera. "Now our first blooper comes from the episode called Secret of the possessed princess."

* * *

(**Start)**

The demon head screeched as Inuyasha sliced its face. "My face, you've scarred my beautiful face!"

Inuyasha gasped, "Oh, I'm so sorry! I'll buy you some plastic surgery! They're a girl's best friend." He giggled happily.

Crystal sighed, "Cut! Inuyasha you're supposed to want to kill her!"

Dog-boy grimaced, "But I'll get icky!"

Kagome groaned, "Shut up and work, you idiot! Some of us need the money! You're such a prima donna!"

"Shut up!" Inuyasha began slapping his hands in the air as if trying to hit her.

"That's it, I can't work like this!" Shippo screamed, walking out of the studio.

Crystal turned to Phoenix, "Why are we doing this?"

"We're doing it so that we can get heart attacks at the age of twenty."

"….Oh."

* * *

**Take 2**

The head sighed and put on its game face. _'I could've been a co-host on MTV but nooo I had to be an evil head.' _ "My face, you've scarred my beautiful face!"

Inuyasha got ready to say his line when Kikyo walked through the door. "Has anybody seen Naraku? I've been trying to give him back the underwear he left in my dressing room."

Shippo screeched and ran away.

"Too much information," Kagome sweatdropped and coughed

Phoenix looked at Crystal. "Hey, doesn't it hurt to hit your head like that?"

* * *

**Many Takes Later**

"My face, you've scarred my beautiful face!"

A delivery man walked in. "Okay, who ordered the meat lover, hold the pepperoni?"

Phoenix raised her hand, "Over here! There better not be any pepperoni or you got to explain it to my mom. And it won't be pretty." As she bit into the pizza she looked at Crystal. "What?"

Crystal glared and Phoenix shivered but slowly took a bite of her pizza. She never saw it coming.

* * *

**Take 100043**

"My face, you've scarred my beautiful face!"

Inuyasha stared at his fingernails. "I should really buy a nail clipper."

Crystal screamed and ran out the door.

"What's wrong with her?" Inuyasha asked.

Phoenix shrugged, "I don't know. Let's move onto the next episode. I'll send Sesshy-babe to go get her."

* * *

Phoenix smiled creepily again. (Phoenix: I don't smile so much! Crystal: That's right, she sneers!) 

"This episode is about Koga and his love for Kagome. But a lot of us have wondered how deep that love is."

* * *

**Episode: The man who fell in love with Kagome**

Koga stood on the mountain. "I'm in love with Kagome!"

Kagome giggled and jumped onto the _obviously _fake scene. "I love you too!"

Koga paled and screamed. "I was just joking…. …..uh, uh, I got to go!" And he sped away.

"Why do they always do that?" Kagome pouted.

Crystal remained calm.

Phoenix shivered, "Crystal, what's wrong?"

"Get Sesshomaru and tell him that there's been a re-write in the first episodes he came to."

* * *

**Sesshomaru's Episodes**

Sesshomaru ran to Kagome and killed her. He grabbed Tetsusaiga and laughed maniacally.

* * *

Phoenix sweatdropped, "Crystal forgot to take her pills that day."

* * *

**Episode: Return to where we first met**

Inuyasha hugs Kikyo and the cameras zoom in on Kagome, who is cleaning her fingernails and singing. "Raindrops keep falling on my head, but that doesn't mean my eyes will soon be turning red! Crying's not for me"

Crystal growled, "You're _supposed _to be crying!"

Kagome looked up, "Huh?"

Phoenix just clapped, "You have just mastered a new form of stupidity. I congratulate you."

* * *

"Damn Kikyo."

* * *

**The night in Dougenkyo**

Kagome giggled as she was hurled into the air again.

Crystal and Phoenix walked into the studio and Phoenix pulled a face as she watched the screen. "How is she being bounced so high?"

They went into the recording studio and were surprised by what they saw, Kagome using Tougenkyo's stomach as a trampoline.

* * *

"Yeah, don't ask."

* * *

**Night in Dougenkyo part two **

Kagome gasped as Inuyasha was hurled off the cliff. "Is he really gone….YAY!" She jumped happily and grabbed Shippo. She danced around and laughed.

Inuyasha climbed back up and glared at her. "I'm still alive."

"…..Oh….."

Crystal lay on the ground.

"What are you doing?" Phoenix asked.

"Waiting for death to come."

* * *

**(End)**

Phoenix: That's it!

Crystal: woo hooo!

Phoenix: …..

Crystal: Oh no! We're out of after chapter material!

Phoenix: Let's check the book! (Looks at book called How to get more funny material for dummies)


	6. Weird Pairings: Prepare for Nightmares

**Extremely short but very funny!**

Phoenix: (Playing outside with Crystal) La la la la la! (Feels wet) AHH! I'm melting!

Crystal: Phoenix…

Phoenix: (looks at her and notices she's wet too)

Crystal: It's just rain.

Phoenix: ………..We will never speak of this again.

Crystal: Sure! (Turns around and takes out phone) Hey! Phoenix just…..

* * *

**What happens when an author can't choose pairings (What a mouthful)**

"She's gonna be with me!" Kouga yelled grabbing Kagome.

Inuyasha growled and snatched her away. "No, she's mine!"

"Mine!" Sesshomaru yelled.

"MINE!" Shippo screamed. They all stopped and stared at him before laughing and continuing to fight.

Kagome whimpered, "Mrs. Author? What am I supposed to do?"

The author shrugged, "Why are you asking me?"

"You're the author!"

"Your point is…"

Kagome was about to answer but she was interrupted by a new voice. "She's coming with me!"

They all turned to see Naraku standing there with his black hair billowing behind him. The others nodded. "Of course, she's all yours!" They moved to the background like helpless little mice, murmuring what they'd do to him if they had the courage.

"What! I'm not going with him!"

Naraku tsk'd and put his arm around her. "Don't worry you'll be perfectly happy being my wife. Where all you'll do is cook and clean and have nookie with me every night"

Kagome pretended to considered this before saying, "That sounds……nice. But I don't want to be with anyone who calls 'it' nookie." She walked away to Kaede's hut.

"What's nookie?" Shippo asked innocently.

Almost immediately the crowd dispersed, except Naraku, who put his arm around the boy and said, "I'll explain it to you. But first come with me to my castle where no can here you scream." He wiggled his eyebrows suggestively to the kitsune.

"Pervert," Kagome screeched from Kaede's hut. She threw a shoe at him that hit him in the head.

Naraku sighed, "Why's everyone so against it? It's not like there are laws to stop me."

Shippo looked at Naraku. "Will Kagura be there?'

"Yes, maybe she can join us?"

"Sure. What about Kanna?"

"A little quiet for my tastes, but whatever floats your boat."

"I like boats!"

* * *

Phoenix: Just a little something for you to think about. 

Crystal: Is Naraku really gay AND a pedophile?

Phoenix: Apparently he is also very...words I cannot say but are very close to 'nookie.'.

Crystal: Cool. REEEEEEEEEEEEVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVIIIIIIIEEEEWW!

Phoenix: You see that pretty button down there? Go press it!

Crystal: You know you waaaannnttt to!


	7. Pets

Phoenix: WARNING! THIS IS RANDOM AND MAY CAUSE BRAIN EXPLOSION! But it's also fun so come on!

Crystal: We were at a zoo yesterday!

Phoenix: And the monkeys loooovvvveee me!

Crystal: (Looks at her) But that's only because you fed them your pixie sticks.

Phoenix: (Shifty eyes) No I didn't

Crystal: But I saw you give- (Falls to the ground)

Phoenix: (Drops stick and walks away, whistling)

* * *

**Pets**

Once upon a time Kagome Higurashi always wanted a gun for a pet, so she went to the pet shop. When she got there the cashier told her there were no guns. "What do you mean there are no guns!" Kagome screamed.

"We don't sell guns! We sell dogs, is that good enough?"

"No!" Kagome said, strangling him. "But it will have to do!"

The cashier choked. "Then why are you still strangling me?"

"I have…. a lot of…. anger issues!" Kagome dropped the man and walked down the aisle. She saw black dogs and brown dogs and even a parrot-dog! But she stopped at a silver dog chewing on its tail. 'Perfect' she thought and she paid for him.

* * *

**1 day later**

"I'M SICK OF YOU, INUYASHA!" Kagome despised the dog she named Inuyasha. It didn't fetch, roll over or play dead. Now she didn't want it to _play_ dead she wanted it to _be_ dead! On the plus side it talked. On the down side it never shut up.

"I miss my friends at the pet shop! The birds, dogs and a yummy cat, I still have pieces of it! Wanna see? Wanna? Wanna? Wanna? Wanna?"

"GET OUT!" Kagome screamed

Inuyasha was quiet for a moment. "……..Wanna?"

"I'm warning you. Or I'll have hotdogs for lunch."

Inuyasha whimpered and pouted and Kagome looked away and said in a creepy voice. "I'm getting the knife."

Inuyasha growled. "Fine, I'll leave and look for the perfect bitch" (Don't ask where we got this idea)

Kagome stared at him for a while. "The perfect bitch……….?"

Inuyasha shrugged and left.

* * *

Inuyasha was walking through and alleyway when he heard a rustle behind him. He turned around and saw a dog (bitch) sniffing his ass. "Do I know you?" Inuyasha asked.

"No, but I'm Kikyo."

"…..Should I care?"

"……………………..No. But I love you! But I wanna kill you! But I still love you!"

Inuyasha sweatdropped, "Ok…ay?" '_I knew I should have gotten myself neutered before I left home.'_

Kikyo started to cry. "I do love you! I do! I-ACHOO!" Out of Kikyo's nose flew Miroku, Sango and Shippo.

Shippo shook himself. "It was messy in there."

"Glad that's over." Miroku sighed.

"I think I'm still stuck! Can someone help me?" Sango yelled from above.

"Gladly," Miroku said, happily.

"Umm, maybe I'll try to get out myself."

Miroku shrugged and took out a phonebook. "Now, I'll never get her phone number."

"How'd you get in there?" Inuyasha asked.

"………..How _did_ we get in there?"

Kikyo backed away slightly.

"SHE DID IT!" Shippo yelled.

"Hey, no attacking my bitch!" Inuyasha said.

"I knew you loved me!"

"I don't. _I_ want to attack you!"

"No, I wanna!" Shippo screamed.

"You stupid!"

"You ugly!"

"………………….You stupid! Hahahahaha! I win I win!" Inuyasha ran around happily…..that is, until he hit a wall.

"You lose! You lose!"

Now, Inuyasha was just pissed off, so he hit him.

"WAHHH! Kagome!" Shippo whined.

"How do you know Kagome?"

"……….."

All of a sudden Kagome appeared. "What, I heard my name. And I was making hot dogs! Inuyasha, what are you doing here?"

Sango handed Miroku a popcorn bag. "This is really entertaining."

Inuyasha thought for a second. "What am I doing here? ...Oh yeah, getting a bitch!"

"Because he's a mutt," Shippo added.

"You runt," Inuyasha growled and hit him again.

"Waah, I'll call a dog catcher on you!"

"Then I'll call a fox catcher!"

There's no such thing as a fox catcher!"

"I'll _make_ one!"

"Who would become a fox catcher for free," Asked Sango.

Just then a fox catcher walked by. On his back was written, _'Fox catcher: Will work for FREE (Please hire me, I have to feed my cats before they eat me)' _

Suddenly, Naraku, the bulldog, appeared. "Yo, yo, yo! Wassup, my dawgs!"

"Where the heck did you come from," Asked Miroku.

"How 'bout dinner at my place and we can rap about that!" Naraku said, wiggling his eyebrows.

Miroku got on his knees and looked to the sky. "Why! Why must you make me irresistible to men but not woman! Why!"

Inuyasha leaned to Shippo. "Is he irresistible to you?"

"He's got a nice ass but I wouldn't take him to meet my folks."

Naraku stared. "Is that a yes or no?"

"No!"

"'Kay, I came here for Kikyo anyways…..yo."

Everybody looked at Kikyo who was trying to sneak away.

Naraku trapped her in a hug. "Kikyo, my woh-man, I've been looking for you everywhere for you!"

Kikyo laughed nervously. "Hehe, really?"

"Yeah, yo, so, why don't we make like a tree and leaf to my place where we can get it on!"

Kikyo joined Miroku on the ground. "Why! Why!" She looked at Naraku before sighing. "Okay. I got nothing better to do but barf."

"Woohooo!" He grabbed her and they were off.

Inuyasha was silent. "That was…..weird."

"Everything that just happened was weird." Miroku said.

Everyone stared at each other until Miroku said. "I got go…..somewhere."

Sango nodded. "Me too."

Shippo just sat there. "I'll go with them." He ran to catch up.

Inuyasha and Kagome stared at each other before Kagome pulled out a knife. Inuyasha screeched and ran off.

* * *

Phoenix: This was a great chapter, don't you think so, Mr. Chips?

Mr. Chips: Ah ah oooooo! (Translation: This chapter made no sense! Tell the people!)


	8. Insane Asylum of Evil Doomish Stuff

Phoenix: Yes this had to happen at some point.

Crystal: You want us tell you what it is?

Phoenix: Well, HELL NO!

Crystal: YEAH! Oh God, we're finishing each other's sentences.

Phoenix: That's not as bad as you trying to make me do the whole chapter by myself! (DUN DUN DUUUUUUUNNN)

Crystal: I did know such thing!

Phoenix: How come I'm writing it and you're watching TV?

Crystal: Because you volunteered!

Phoenix: (Attacks Crystal. Camera blanks out)

Disvlaimer: We own Nothing. Really, Nothing's living at our house! He eats a lot of remotes……..mmmm, chicken….

* * *

**_A chapter like this had to happen_**

Our favorite little pathetic passive-aggressive group was walking around aimlessly. They were in their usual mood: A pissed off Kagome, a "down to earth" Inuyasha, a perverted Miroku, a bitch-slapping Sango, a hyper Shippo and a cute little Kirara think 'What the _hell_ am I doing here?' Suddenly, they come across a big castle called: _'Ye Olde Insane Asylum'. _

Right below that was written: _'I see you.'_

"Odd," Kagome said, "There are no asylums in the Feudal Era."

"Kagome, what's an asylum?" Shippo asked.

Kagome was about to answer when two people came running towards them.

"What's an asylum you ask?" The tall one asked.

"It's a place where loony people go! WHEEEEEEEE!" The short one said.

Silence. Crickets chirp.

"Excuse Sheila, she had an overdose of medicine. I'm Lucille." The tall one said.

Sango asked cautiously. "Are you two patients?"

Sheila said. "Good heavens no! hehe no……"

"We work here!" Lucille said cheerfully.

"Who the runs this place?" Miroku asked

"THEM." Lucille and Sheila answered, shuddering and shivering.

Shippo asked. "Did it just get cold?"

Everyone ignored him.

Inuyasha said, annoyed. "Let's go. We have no business being here." He turned to leave.

Lucille and Sheila go right in front of him. "Once you come," Lucille said creepily, "You never leave."

A flash of light happened. And our heroes fainted.

* * *

_A few hours later_

"Ooooh my head," Kagome said, rubbing it, "Where am I?"

As soon as she said that, everyone woke up.

"Damnit Kagome, don't be so loud!" Inuyasha said.

"But-" Kagome started.

"You're shouting." Shippo said.

"But I'm not!" Kagome said, tearfully.

"EVERYONE SHUT UP!"

Everyone nearly jumped out of their skin. Shippo turned around and ended up seeing a fluffy boa thing.

"Sesshomaru, you're here too?" Kagome said.

"Not only me. Kikyo is here, too." He said.

"Where is she?" Inuyasha asked.

"I don't know. Naraku took her away."

"WHAT! Naraku's here too? Who else is here?" Miroku asked, looking around as if something would pop out at him. (That never would happen. (Shifty eyes))

"I don't know damnit! Get off my back!" Sesshomaru said. (Have you ever seen Sesshomaru swearing?)

Silence, again. But this time it was broken by the sound of the door opening and footsteps.

"Shippo, will you come with us?" A man in white asked gently. (Nooo! The horrible man in white!)

"Wh-who are you?" Shippo asked.

"I'll tell you later. Please come now." He asked again with more force in his voice.

"No!" Shippo said happily.

"Well, you don't have a choice." He said, with a twisted smile. With that said, the man in white, went up to Shippo and took him away. Kagome got a glimpse at the nametag, which said "Hi, I'm Bob! We'll have _so_ much fun together."

"What do we do now?" Sango asked.

"We'll break down the door, of course." Inuyasha said, happily. (For once.)

"Don't bother trying, little brother. The room's bolted shut."

"I'm obviously stronger; I'll knock down the door with ease."

"Don't say I didn't warn you." Sesshomaru said, in an I-told-you-so voice.

Inuyasha scoffed." WIND SCAR!"

But the Wind Scar just bounced around the room, until it dissipated.

"Iron Reaver Soul Stealer! Damn, I broke a nail!" Inuyasha exclaimed, sucking on his finger.

"Told you so," Sesshomaru said, sticking out his tongue.

"At least I have a bone!" Inuyasha said, pulling one out of his haori.

"Where'd he get that?" Sango whispered to Miroku, who shrugged and pulled out some popcorn. "How am I supposed to know," The monk said, "Just sit back and enjoy the show."

But that was short-lived because Sesshomaru took Inuyasha's bone.

"Waaaah, Kagome! Make Sesshomaru give me back my bone!"

"He started it!" Sesshomaru said, also crying.

Everyone else just stared at the crying brothers.

"Miroku, have you ever seen them act like that?" Sango asked, whispering again.

"No. Kagome, have you?" Miroku asked.

But Kagome was trying to stop the brothers.

"Inuyasha, if you're not quiet I'll make sure you never have ramen again!"

That made Inuyasha shut up immediately. But Sesshomaru was a problem.

'_What does Sesshomaru like?'_ Kagome thought, _'he loves his hair since it's super silky. Wait I forgot to do the chicken dance this morning! _(These are Kagome thoughts, people. Doesn't everyone have a weird thought?)_ Well I can't do it here, everyone will be watching. And Sesshomaru won't shut up. No what does he like. His hair, his nails and his hair. There must be something I'm forgetting. Think, think think think. Ooooh strained a nerve. Did I wash my hair this morning? Hair care products! Sesshomaru loves hair care products. I think I know what to do!'_ (Oh wow she made a break through. (rolling eyes))

Kagome went to her bag and took out a bottle of shampoo. Sesshomaru, having a good sense of smell, perked up.

"Sesshomaru? Who wants shampoo?" Kagome said.

Sesshomaru ran up to her wagging his tail. (Now it's a tail)

"Fetch!" Kagome said, throwing the shampoo. Sesshomaru ran after the shampoo. He got the shampoo and ran back to Kagome.

"Err, good dog?" Kagome said.

* * *

_With Shippo_

Shippo walked in a room that looked somewhat like an interrogation room, except it wasn't one. There were a lot of tables, a chair on each side and all these people who were wearing white. Some were reading, others chatting or playing cards.

"Where am I?" Shippo asked Bob.

Bob said, "Shippo, you are a chosen one."

"What kind of chosen one?" Shippo asked, curiously.

"A man in white, in your case, boy." Bob said.

"Join us. Join us." Everyone said, chanting.

"Umm……. Okay! What do I do?" Shippo asked cheerily.

"First make patients insane, and then you treat them. If your patient runs away, THEY will do something." Someone said, shuddering and shivering.

"Did it just get cold?" Shippo asked.

Everyone ignored him.

* * *

_The next day_

"Hey everyone! They just posted who will be our doctors!" Inuyasha said, excitedly.

'I think the insanity got to him.' Kagome said, sweat dropping.

The list showed this (Oh my God, that rhymed:D):

_Patient: Doctor_

_Kagome: Lucille_

_Sesshomaru: Jaken_

_Inuyasha: Jakotsu_

_Miroku: Bob_

_Sango: Sheila_

_Kikyo: Naraku_

_Footnote: While you were asleep, we put an electric shocker on your ankle so we can stay together forever!_

_Schedule:_ (A/N: If the schedule doesn't make sense IDFC!)

_9:15: Breakfast_

_9:20: Therapy sessions_

_10:00: Arts and Crafts_

_10:30: Math_

_11:00: Science_

_11:30: Lunch_

_11:35: Recess_

_12:00: Nap time_

_3:00: Therapy sessions_

_5:00: Arts and Crafts_

_6:00: Music appreciation_

_7:00: Dinner (Special menu: Last week's dinner)_

_7:05: Quiet Reading_

_8:00 Bed time_

(A/N: See what we meant by the schedule not making sense?)

"Who's Bob?" Miroku asked (Remember only Kagome saw the nametag.), "And how come I get a male doctor?"

"Bob is the man who took Shippo away, and who cares you stinkin' pervert!" Kagome said, a little pissed off.

"Jeez, it was just question. Don't get so pissed off. You're not the one who likes me." Miroku said, smiling.

"So? I have Jakutso. I KNOW he'll be hitting on me." Inuyasha said.

"You're not alone. I think Jaken likes me." Sesshomaru said, whispering the last part.

"What time is it?" Sango asked.

"It's- shit! It's 9:19! There's no time to eat!" Kagome said.

Everyone hurried to their first class: _Arts and Crafts.

* * *

_

"Hello, hello hello." A man with one eyebrow said, "My name is Olaf, but you can call me daddy!"

All the students had the same thought._ 'What the fuck?'_ (I believe that's the first time we used that word. Hmmmmmm)

Olaf 'daddy' went on, "Today we will be painting a banner that will say: '_Patients Wanted'_! Everyone get a paintbrush and some paint and we will start the fun day!" Olaf went over to his desk and started plotting 'something'.

But someone was lurking in the shadows.

* * *

_With Shippo (I didn't forget about him)_

Shippo was lurking in the shadows, (Well that wasn't plotful) with Kirara.

"Give the paper to Kagome. I have a plan!" Shippo said happily.

* * *

_Back to the Gang_

Everyone was doing fine with the painting, except Inuyasha. Poor Inuyasha. He didn't know how to hold a paintbrush. Everyone tried to help. They really did. But they got to nowhere. So (sniff) he was sent to the Naughty Corner! ((bursts out sobbing) Inuyasha you're too good for the Naughty Corner! Or bad…….) Inuyasha ended up talking to himself.

"Why do I have to go to the Naughty Corner? Just because I can't hold a paintbrush, I'm sent here!" Inuyasha muttered.

"This place is REALLY getting into Inuyasha." Sango whispered to Kagome.

"Well anyone could hold a paintbrush if they believe! Inuya- OW!" Kagome screamed.

"I see you have been shocked. That's what you get for believing." Olaf said, snickering. (Persnickety! Um, what does that mean?) Little did he know, no one was paying attention because Kirara was with Kagome.

"Kirara! Where were you? Ooooh a note!" Kagome said. (Okay, perky moment)

And the note said this:

_I know a way out:D Isn't that amazing? I know a way out! Use the backdoor marked EXIT. But you'll need a distraction. Give Kikyo a beach ball and she'll pretend she's pregnant. Tell Olaf to call the ambulance and run to the backdoor. Good luck!_

_Shippo._

"Who taught Shippo the word pregnant? Miroku?" Kagome said, gritting her teeth.

But Miroku was already doing what the note said. He was giving Kikyo the ball, and she, being stupid, starting screaming "Call the ambulance I'm having a baby!"

Kagome thought _'Maybe I should give him credit since this is a VERY effective way to get out of here, and have Inuyasha!'_ Kagome grinned evilly.

"Kagome, why are you grinning evilly?" Inuyasha asked.

"Let's leave her alone. I don't want to know what she's thinking." Miroku said.

And so, our heroes (well Sesshomaru technically isn't but feh) ran away.

* * *

_Later_

"Please, I'm begging you I didn't know they were planning to escape!" Olaf said.

"And how was I supposed to know dead people can't get pregnant? It felt real so I thought it was real!"

"You workers have failed me for the last time!" A hooded person said.

Silence.

"SILENCE!" The other hooded person screamed.

"But-" Bob started.

"SILENCE! YOU SHALL PAY DEARLY FOR WHAT YOU HAVE DONE! Koga get the chainsaw." The first hooded person said. (You had to know he'd be in the story.)

Koga brought the chainsaw, but noticed Naraku was there. "Can I kill Naraku? Please?"

"Sorry, but he was very naughty so we'll have to do it. But you can watch."

"Fine, I never get to do the killing." Koga muttered.

The chainsaw was turned on and it revved.

* * *

_Halloween_

Outside a certain someone's house there were lots of jack o' lanterns. But what's this? They weren't pumpkins!

* * *

Phoenix: Ahh finally finished.

Crystal: Yup it took days.

Phoenix: I was the one writing it. What are you talking about?

Crystal: It took days to finished eating the giant pixie stick.

Phoenix: You had a giant pixie stick! DIE (takes out bazooka and shoots at Crystal)

Crystal: Ah! (Runs away screaming, 'REVIEW')


	9. Inushopping

Crystal: Hi weee'ree BAAAAACCCK!

Phoenix: (Walks out in her pajamas and whining) Why are you awake? I don't want to do a chapter now. It's 3 am.

Crystal: It's 4pm. You slept the morning away.

Phoenix: I slept with the morning? He better have kept his hands to himself.

Crystal: The morning is a she. (Trying to psyche her out)

Phoenix: ……………….Oh my god, what did I drink last night. I grabbed its ass.

Crystal: I'm kidding. You didn't sleep with the morning. (Quiet) What did you grab?

Phoenix: The monkey! (Horrified) He's at it again! Why did I ruin its life?

Crystal: You spiked your own coffee that day.

Phoenix: Oh, that was a great day. Good times good times….. (Eyes glaze over)

* * *

**Inu-Shopping (The sequel to Inuyasha meets appliances)**

Inuyasha jumped through Kagome's window carefully, seeing as he wasn't sure where Kagome was and if she was still angry. He shook off the snow that had fallen last night and looked around and sighed, the coast was clear. He sniffed for Kagome's scent and was happy when he realized she wasn't home, he opened her door and looked up and down the halls.

"Hi! What are you doing?" Inuyasha yelped and spun around to come face to face with evil AKA: Souta.

"Oh, it's just you. I thought you were Kagome."

Souta smiled a chocolaty smile. "She went through the well looking for you. Don't worry, she'll be back soon."

Inuyasha froze. "She'll be back?" He immediately began running for the stairs so he could get out of there, though he forgot about the window he came in through. He opened the door to the front of the house and froze in terror.

"Kagome," he squeaked.

Kagome gave him a sugary smile and said. "Hi. I have something to tell you Inuyasha." She poked him with a snowy umbrella that had a sharp end.

"Now, Kagome think about this, you need me!" Inuyasha yelled as he was pushed onto the couch.

She sat down beside him. "What are you talking about? I just want you to come with me to the mall."

Inuyasha looked at her skeptically. "The…..mall? Oh…." He breathed again.

Kagome giggled. "What do you think I was gonna say, that I was going hang you by your feet on our roof?"

Inuyasha chuckled nervously. "Ha…ha….no, that's…… that's just silly."

Kagome smiled. "Where's Souta? He's coming too."

At that exact second a small blur flew by them and out of the house screaming.

Kagome looked out the open door. "…..Oh, well, there he goes."

Mrs. Higurashi came through the door. "Did I just see Souta running down the street screaming for mercy?"

Kagome nodded and said. "Are you ready to go? I got Inuyasha."

Mrs. Higurashi grinned. "Then let's go!" Together they pulled Inuyasha into the driveway.

"What the hell is _that_?" Inuyasha asked when he saw the car sitting in the driveway.

"It's a car, now get in, we don't have all day." Kagome said, bouncing up and down from excitement.

"No way in hell am I going to get in that thing!" Inuyasha pulled out the Tetsusaiga and lunged at the car.

"Sit." Kagome said calmly and pulled Inuyasha into the backseat, "You will sit here and behave, ok?"

Inuyasha sulked at not having his way as the car began moving. He soon saw other contraptions that looked slightly alike.

"What the hell…." Inuyasha trailed off as they stopped at the front of the mall. He was shocked to see many cars, all just sitting there.

Inuyasha continued staring until Kagome poked him. "Let's go. You take too long!"

Kagome grabbed his hand and led him through the sea of metal; not noticing every time they went by one he'd tense up.

Inuyasha walked into the shop and winced at the smells that came attacked his nose and with them came sales ladies.

"Would you like to try this new perfume for men?" One said and she sprayed in his face.

Another held a make up kit. "Miss, would you like to try our new, amazing beauty line?" The woman smiled, putting some lipstick on him.

"MISS!" Inuyasha screamed, "I ain't a girl!"

The sales woman leaned back, blinking confusedly. "But you have such feminine features."

"I DO NOT!"

Kagome sighed. "Let's not waste time talking about you masculinity….or lack thereof." She whispered the last part, though it didn't escape Inuyasha. Kagome pulled him past the scary sales women and into a store. Inuyasha looked around, a bit confused by the bright colors.

"I'm going to try these out. You stay here, okay?" Kagome said, grabbing some clothes and walking into a booth.

Inuyasha sat down and looked around uncomfortably. All of a sudden he heard soft giggling and turned to see 3 men and 2 girls looking at him. One of the men approached him. "Yo, dude. Has anyone ever told you it's not cool for a guy to wear make up?"

Inuyasha gaped before getting up and looking in a mirror nearby. "What the hell!" He stared at his reflection and what he saw was a man with messily made lipstick on that went from his lips and around his eye to his cheek.

"Inuyasha, what's wrong?" He turned around to see Kagome looking at him.

"What's wrong! Why didn't you tell me?"

Kagome blinked. "Um, I….forgot?"

Inuyasha growled but kept his anger under control.

"How about you go wash that off?" Kagome pushed him into the bathroom in the store.

When Inuyasha came out he looked for Kagome. "Kagome, Kagome?" He looked around and panicked as he saw Kagome wasn't around. He sniffed the air and was relieved when he smelt her nearby.

Inuyasha walked out of the store, following Kagome's scent, and saw her with three girls and a guy. "So, we heard you came down with glucosefructose-itis (A/N: We got that off a juice box)."

"……Really? Well, that is interesting." By the look on Kagome's face Inuyasha guessed her grandfather wouldn't be around to tell lies anymore. Inuyasha walked up to them and tapped Kagome's shoulder. She turned around and her eyes widened as if she had forgotten she had even brought him, "Inuyasha!"

"Why'd you go?"

Before Kagome could answer Hojo, one of Kagome's friends spoke. "Who's he, Kagome?" Inuyasha didn't like the way he was looking at her.

"Umm, he's…..a family friend! Yeah, that's it!"

Inuyasha stared at them like they were crazy before grabbing Kagome's arm and pulling her away. Once they were far away he stared deep into her eyes. "Kagome…"

Kagome's breath caught in her throat. "Yes, Inuyasha…"

"You can never see that guy again."

Kagome gaped, opening her mouth and then closing it again. "What…how dare…you big..." she stammered.

Inuyasha gave her a superior look before walking into a nearby store. He had turned away so he didn't see the evil look on her face. Inuyasha looked around and frowned at all the frilly things. He grabbed one of them and sniffed. It was strange; it had two holes on the bottom and one big one on the top. It had frilly things on the side holes.

"Do…you want to try those panties on?" Inuyasha turned to a sales woman, giving him a weird look.

"Panties..?"

"Yes, though you seem more like a large then a petite. But don't worry; you wouldn't believe how many men come in here."

Inuyasha stared, silently. It wasn't until he looked out of the store and saw Kagome nearly keeling over with laughter that he was hit with a flashback. (Phoenix: Whoa! Hold on, here comes a flashback! Crystal: These things always make me sick)

_Flashback_

_Inuyasha snuck into Kagome's room and sniffed around. When he was sure she wasn't around he immediately walked up to a cupboard he had been eyeing for days. He opened it up and took out a pink fabric. He took a deep breath and grinned at the smell of Kagome wafting from them._

"_Inuyasha!"_

_Said dog boy whirled around to see Kagome with her hands on her hips. "Kagome!"_

"_Inuyasha, what do you think you are doing?"_

_Inuyasha stayed silent._

"_Stop sniffing my panties!" Then Kagome spent the next five minutes telling him what panties were._

_End_

Inuyasha's eyes widened before dropping the panties on the floor. "Gah!"

The sales woman looked at him curiously. "I guess you want me to put those on layaway for you?"

Inuyasha stared at her and ran out of the store. "Kagome, why didn't you warn me!"

Kagome grinned. "Mmmm, thought about it, didn't want to." She grabbed on his hand, "Let's go home."

"……..Fine……" Inuyasha said, disgruntled and wanting to get out of the hell hole called _'The mall.'_

Mrs. Higurashi was waiting for them in the parking lot. "Did you have fun?"

Inuyasha answered before Kagome could even open her mouth. "No!"

"Good because we're going back….tomorrow."

* * *

Phoenix: Oh yeah! 

Crystal: OH YEAH!

Inuyasha: OOOOOOOHHH YYYEEEEAAAHHH! (Puts on sunglasses)

Phoenix: He out 'yeah'ed' us! GET HIM!

Crystal: (Attacks)


	10. Inuyasha Vs Stewie

Phoenix: Hiydee ho, reviwerinos!

Crystal: Ignore her she's nutty.

Phoenix: I'm not nutty, I'm chunky! .

Crystal: (Sweat drop)

Phoenix: (Smiles happily.)

Disclaimer: We do not own Inuyasha or Family Guy if we did Lois would be dead and Chris would rule the world.

* * *

**Inuyasha meets Stewie**

One beautiful, sunny day Inuyasha was walking to well to yell at Kagome when Crystal popped out of nowhere.

Crystal smiled, "Hi 'Yasha! I was wondering. Do you like daisies? I prefer roses or tulips but you know I wanted to know yours for a special occasion!"

Inuyasha looked at her like she was crazy, which she was. "What are you blabbering on about?"

Crystal blinked innocently. "Nothing really, just distracting you from this," and hit him on the head with a rubber mallet, knocking him out. "I kinda feel sorry for him…………….oh well, I'll get him some flowers later." She quickly dragged him away.

**In the Family Guy home**

Phoenix silently crept to Stewie Griffins room and opened the door. "Awww, he's sleeping! You almost wouldn't know he's psychotic if he wasn't mumbling death threats in his sleep. Well, here goes nothing, Stewie, wake up. I got some plutonium for you."

"Plutonium! Where!" Stewie jumped up seeing Phoenix, "You woman, I demand you tell me where this plutonium is!"

"Man, you got a bad attitude! I won't feel sorry for doing this," She hit him on the head with a wooden cane, "I should give this back to that geezer lying in the street……oh well."

**The Unknown place (Oooooooh)**

"Where am I," cried an upset Inuyasha.

"_Crystal here; Now Inu-boy do you really think we'll tell you that?_

"_Phoenix dude; Yeah, so anyway we'll tell you why you're here!"_

"_Crystal; But first welcome your "opponent"………Stewie!"_

A door opened revealing a tied up Stewie.

"_Crystal; You tied him up?"_

"_Huh, oh yeah, Vincenzo, go untie him."_

A Spanish muscle builder untied and took off his gag.

"_Where did you get a muscle builder?"_

"……………"

"_Forget it, I don't want to know."_

Stewie looked at Inuyasha. "Not another talking dog! I don't want to deal with another flea bitten mongrel!"

Inuyasha growled and picked up Stewie by his "jammies" and said. "Listen brat, I don't need this. I won't hesitate to kill you!"

Stewie looked at him and raised array gun, "Say bye bye………._dog_!" He froze Inuyasha in carbonate. (Got no clue what that is.)

"_Crystal; I thought you emptied his pockets?"_

"_Phoenix; Remind me to fire Vincenzo. Stewie, you unfreeze Inuyasha right now!"_

"_Crystal; Yeah or we'll sick Shippo on you again!" _

Stewie shuddered at the thought and begged. "No, please! I'll be good!" He unfroze Inuyasha and cowered in the corner.

"_Phoenix; Anyway, we have brought you here to…………….fight to the death!"_

"_Crystal; Hey, you never mentioned death, only maiming!"_

"_Phoenix; (Sigh) Fine no death but we keep the bloodthirsty hounds, alright!"_

"_Crystal; Make them less bloodthirsty, I'll give them some of Vincenzo's blood."_

"_Phoenix; Vincenzo isn't allowed out of his cage unless I say so!"_

Inuyasha looked at Stewie. "Do you think we'll be able to escape before they stop yapping?"

Stewie shook his head. "Those _girls,_ if you can call them that, have lined every with poison…look." Stewie pointed to a window. There was a policeman try to break through it…..that is until he collapsed.

"_Crystal; YEAH, Die coppers!"_

"_Phoenix; I knew the poison was a good idea."_

Inuyasha gaped and sweatdropped. "O….Kay. You, brat, use one of those thingies you have in your clothes to blow this place up."

"You idiot, that would blow us up too!" Stewie hit the not-so-smart dog boy on the head.

"…..Oh…."

"_Crystal; Do you wonder why we love these guys so much?"_

"_Phoenix; I'm starting to."_

Stewie pulled out a ray gun and aimed at the door, "Bombs away!"

"_Crystal; Hey, don't do that! Oh, hold on…pizza's here!"_

"_Phoenix; Really," _Soon,the sound of steps walking away was heard.

Inuyasha and Stewie climbed out of the hole in the door. Inuyasha grabbed the baby and ran down the hall. "There, the door out!"

Suddenly, they were stopped by an old man. "Have you seen my cane? A young girl took it a little while ago…" The geezer hobbled off.

"What the deuce?" Stewie said.

Inuyasha shook his head and continues running and just before he touched the door bars covered it. "NOOOO!" Stewie cried as he ran into the bars again and again and again.

Soon, Phoenix and Crystal appeared. Phoenix laughed happily. "Ah, it's so great to do that to people."

Crystal joined in on the laughter. "Yeah, to let them think that they're home free, then trap them!"

Inuyasha pointed an accusing finger at them. "You…you're evil, evil girls!"

Phoenix gave him a deadpanned look. "You just figured that out?"

Crystal pulled out a cell phone. "Vincenzo, come here and dispose of some _trash_ we need to have taken away…good."

"NOOOO!" Stewie and Inuyasha screamed as they were dragged off.

* * *

Crystal: YAY! . 

Phoenix: YAY! .

Crystal: YAY! .

Phoenix:…….Shut up….

Crystal: No, you shut up! .

Phoenix: No, _you _shut up! .

Crystal:…….monkeynutter…. .

Phoenix: RANDOM!

Crystal: YAY!

Phoenix: YAY!

Crystal: YAY!

Phoenix: WOOT!

Crystal: WOOT-NESS!


	11. Miroku Reactions

Crystal: Hi! Don't ask why we're doing this.

Phoenix: You'll give yourself a headache.

Crystal: So, please read and review

Phoenix: (Shakes fist threateningly) Or else.

* * *

"Hey Crystal, are you bored," Asked Phoenix, turning to her partner in crime.

Crystal sighed, "Yeah." She got up from her seat on Phoenix's couch to sit next to her on the floor.

"How about we watch a video?"

Crystal perked up. "Cool! Let's watch America's Funniest Noises!"

"Nah, all they show is people farting." Phoenix said.

"Where's the bad in that?"

Phoenix gave her a look and said, "I think we should watch The Many Reactions to Miroku."

"Of course," Crystal gasped, surprised she hadn't thought of it. After all she is the smarter one. (Phoenix: You wish! Crystal: I know!)

Phoenix walked to the video shelf and pulled out a pink cassette. "I should never have let you decorate this case." She popped the cassette into the VCR. "Here we go!"

_Start of movie_

"_Miroku grinned as an exceptionally beautiful young woman passed by him. "Excuse me, Miss?"_

_The woman turned around. "Yes?"_

"_Would you bare my child?" Miroku got on one knee._

"…_Finally! An actual MAN has asked me to bear his child! Oh I'm so happy!" The woman sat on his knee._

"_An actual man…?"_

"_You don't know I'm a drag queen?"_

_Take 2_

"_Miss? Would you bear my child?" Miroku said, repeating his famous phrase. 'Please let this one be normal.'_

_The girl glared at him, "Evil, chauvinistic MALE!" She whapped him with her purse and put a sign that read 'Feminist-girl was here' next to his unconscious body. She then put her hands on her hips and said in a patriotic way, "Wherever there is man who hits on woman I'll be there…to kick their ass!" She jumped up and flew away._

_Take 3_

"_Will you bare my child?"_

_Phoenix looked at him unblinkingly. "You're kidding right?"_

"_No."_

"_Well, then." She reached over and put a mechanical baby in Miroku's hand. "How about you carry this around and see how it feels!" She walked away._

"…_.Why do I get the weird ones?"_

_Take 4_

"_Will you bare my child?"_

"_YAY! I would LOVE to! First we can have a candlelight dinner -which you'll pay for- and then some steak –which you'll also pay for."_

_Miroku jumped and ran away._

_Crystal sighed and sat on the floor. "Too easy. Not even a challenge."_

_Take 5_

"_Will you bare my child?"_

_The hobo blinked. "Really?"_

"_Well, you're the best candidate so far."_

_Take 6_

"…_Will…you…bare…my …child?"_

"_Sure." The woman said, smiling._

_Miroku wavered, "Really? No weird 'I hate all men routine?' or no mechanical baby?"_

"_No, just this," The woman stepped back and a huge biker guy stepped up. "Meet Mike, my boyfriend."_

"…_eh heh heh heh…"_

_END!_

Phoenix wiped some of her tears away. "That was hilarious!"

Crystal nodded, "It has a lot of blackmail potential."

"I never thought of that!"

"That's why I'm getting paidthe big bucks!"

"….You get paid?"

* * *

Phoenix: REVIEW!

Crystal: Or Barney will come after you!

Barney: I love you, you love me, review or they'll torture Binky!

REEEEEEVVVVVVVIIIIEEEEWWWW!


	12. The Weirdness of the Yu Yu Gang

Crystal: We have to warn you. This story is VERY strange.

Phoenix: This is what happens when I'm awake at five thirty.

Crystal: It's the story of Phoenix's mind unleashed!

Phoenix: MWAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

Warning: Contents may contain OOCness. (Because it was from someone's mind!)

Disclaimer: We do not own any anime characters. Examples are: Inuyasha, Yusuke, Hiei, Kurama and Naraku. This is depressing seeing as four out of five we want for ourselves. (Screw Naraku)

* * *

**Contents of a mad scientist's mind unleashed**

On a hot summer day, Yusuke, Kurama and Kuwabara were dying of heat. So, the trio decided to have some ice cream. But there was none left!

"There's no more ice cream left!" cried Kurama. (We know he isn't the type to freak out)

Meanwhile, Hiei walked into the room. "Waspy yo mama?" Trans: Hn.

Everyone glared at Hiei.

"Don't use my weapon against me!"

"You stole our ice cream, you fiend!" Kuwabara sobbed. (Kuwabara knows what a fiend is?)

Hiei gasped. "I did no such thing!"

"You can't be our friend if you lie to us." Yusuke said.

"I thought we had a connection!" Kurama cried, teary-eyed.

"We do!" Hiei batted his eyes.

"I don't believe you anymore!" Kurama ran out of the room.

"Look what you made him do!" Kuwabara said, running after the fox-boy.

"I didn't know everyone was homosexual!" Yusuke said. He then ran away, screaming bloody murder. (Someone's homophobic)

Hiei cried. A black background fell from the heavens and a spotlight shined on the sobbing demon.

* * *

Phoenix: Must….hug….Hiei! 

Crystal: (Holds her back) Relax!

Phoenix: But my snicker doodle is in pain! He needs love!

Crystal: (Sweat drop)

* * *

**Meanwhile**

Meanwhile, Yusuke and the others got a call from Koenma about a mission.

"What'cha want, brat?" asked Yusuke.

"I'm not a brat! I pay your checks!" Koenma yelled.

"You don't pay us!" Yusuke yelled back.

"……..I'll live in my fantasy world!"

Kurama interrupted them. "Just tell us what you want! I need to go back to therapy!"

"A demon has been spotted at the center of the Universe!"

Kuwabara cheered. "Yay! We're going to the center of the Universe!"

All of a sudden Koenma began laughing. "Oh god! I really had you there! You're face was priceless! You're going to the center of Tokyo!"

"Fine…."

* * *

Hiei wandered around the center of Tokyo. All of a sudden, he burst into song. "All by myself! Don't wanna be all by myself…" 

Botan floated down behind him. "……." She gave him a hard smack.

"What the rainbows and butterflies with birdies 'chirp chirp'!"

"Since when did you like butterflies?"

Hiei went all shifty eyes. "I have no clue."

Botan wondered.

All of a sudden Crystal and Phoenix appeared in the sky. "You like butterflies because we made you like butterflies!" They shook their fists angrily and then they disappeared.

"You want to be friends with your ex-friends?" Botan asked.

"You care because……?"

"I love you! I admit it! I have always admired your sexiness!" Botan said, throwing her arms around the demon.

"….Get off….."

"Never!"

"I shall make you get off!" Hiei said, threateningly. (Holy shit, that's a word!)

Phoenix and Crystal appeared once again. "Don't ignore us!" Phoenix reached down and poked Hiei. Crystal smacked Botan.

Hiei growled. "No poking the sexiness!" He shoved the finger.

"Don't you shove Fingie!"

"….It has a name….?" Hiei asked.

Crystal sighed. "It's a long story." Then they disappeared.

"Fine. I won't tell you where your ex-friends went." Botan said, pretending nothing happened.

"Oh God! Fine! Damn blackmail." Hiei said, muttering the last part.

"Say you love me!"

"No."

"Say it!" Botan said, shaking her fist.

"…….Iloveyou." Hiei said quickly.

"Okay then! Your friends are going to the center of Tokyo!" Botan said, happily.

"I'm already in the center of Tokyo!"

"Well……this is awkward….."

Hiei walked away, angrily. "Now, I just have to wait for them!"

* * *

**Meanwhile**

Yusuke and the others walked to the center of Tokyo. They ended up staring at a mansion.

"Soooooooooo big." Kuwabara said, starry-eyed.

"Okay let's talk about the plan. We sneak in and attack!" Yusuke said, proudly.

"Why can't talk it over tea and cookies? We must spread love!" Kurama said.

"Shut up, you gay fox. Urameshi's plan is better but-" Kuwabara started.

"-Thank you!" Yusuke said.

"Shut up, I wasn't finished. But we should get an army of kitties and make them attack!" Kuwabara said.

"No! We need tea!" Kurama sobbed.

"No, sneak attack!"

"Kitties!"

All of a sudden, a lone gunshot was fired. The group turned to see Naraku standing at the doorway of the mansion. "What's all this noise? Get off my property or I'll shoot your cocks off!"

Kurama smiled. "I'm safe! I don't have one!"

Kuwabara took out a rooster. "I have a cock!" The cock was killed. "My cock!"

Naraku smirked. "Get off my property!"

Yusuke leaned towards Kuwabara. "I take it he's the demon."

"Yup."

Kurama ran up to Naraku. "Sorry, we have to kill you now!"

Naraku blinked……before taking off down the road.

"Aw, phooey!"

Naraku kept running. "Damn it! I need nourishment!" He broke into an ice cream shop and stole some chocolate ice cream. "Nummy!" He threw the garbage into the trash can. "Don't litter!" He turns to see Yusuke, Kurama and Kuwabara closing in on him. "No!" He threw out his hands and vaporized them.

Kurama sighed. "I wanted peace….." And then he was gone.

Meanwhile Hiei walked in front of the ice cream store and saw the finished ice cream in the trash. "No! I shall avenge its untimely death!" He then made a funeral for the ice cream.

Naraku appeared behind him. "Hmmmmm……." He then absorbed him. "….Wait….I'm a fire demon now! I shall…..join the circus!" He then ran off.

* * *

**Ten minutes later**

Inuyasha turned to Kagome. "Where are we?"

"I don't know!"

Shippo started to sneak off.

"Where do you think you're going!" Inuyasha asked, picking him up.

"Egads! Put me down! Put me down, I say!" Shippo whined.

"Where are we?" Inuyasha asked.

"I don't know! I'm not Superman!" Shippo yelled.

"You're not?" Inuyasha sniffed.

"Actually I am."

"Yay! I know Superman!" "Inuyasha said, laughing and clapping.

"I have this sudden urge to go to the circus!" Kagome said.

"Okay! Let's sing a song on the way!" Miroku said.

And they sang a song to the circus.

When they arrived at the circus, they saw a clown who looked just like Naraku, a demon that absorbs other demons and likes eating ice cream.

"Hey! That clown looks like Naraku!" Sango said.

"Like, oh my God! You're like, totally like, right!" Inuyasha said.

"Like, let's go talk to him!" Kagome said

"Like, okay!" Shippo said.

So they like, go over to him.

"Hi! I'm Kagome and you look so familiar!"

"Does someone want a balloon?" Naraku cooed.

"I want one!" Inuyasha whined.

"Me too!" Miroku said.

"How about me? Don't I matter?" Sango cried.

"Don't worry I have enough for all of you!" Naraku said.

"Yay!" They all said. And they get the balloons.

But they pop!

And the balloons were filled with Naraku's miasma.

So everyone dies except Naraku.

"No! I wanted to start a new life! Now I have to run from the cops!" Naraku cried.

So running away from the cops he did.

* * *

**1 hour later**

Naraku decided to disguise himself as……. a puddle! DUN DUN DUUUUUUUUNNNN! (You know that had to come up at some point. You can't deny it)

While disguised as a puddle, two nasty, stinky, kids found the puddle.

"Oh my God! This puddle hasn't evaporated!" Kid 1 said.

"Let's worship it!" Kid 2 said.

So they decided to make a shrine for the "non-evaporating" puddle. But out of nowhere, a car came and ran over the puddle.

"Why does everything we get obsessed with run away?" Kid 1 asked.

"I guess we should pretend this never happened." Kid 2 said.

"What happened?" Kid 1 asked.

"That's the spirit!" Kid 2 said.

"No, seriously. What happened?" Kid 1 asked.

"Oh God! Never mind!" Kid 2 said.

"Wanna play house?" Kid 1 asked.

"Okay!" Kid 2 said, happily.

So the two nasty, stinky kids got on with there lives.

But what happened to our lovely Yu Yu Hakusho gang?

* * *

**With Yusuke, Kuwabara and Kurama**

"This is all your fault, Urameshi! If we attack with kitties, we would have won!" shouted Kuwabara.

"So you're blaming me for our death? If everyone listened to me, we would have won!" Yusuke yelled. With that said, he punched Kuwabara.

And they fought for a few minutes, until Kurama intervened.

"There's no point of fighting, we're dead. We'll just haunt people to death." Kurama said, smoking some pot.

"Where'd you get that pot? I want some!" Yusuke whined.

"Don't worry I have enough for all of us." Kurama said, airily.

And they spent the rest of their deaths, haunting people and smoking pot.

* * *

**With Hiei**

Hiei was in the back of the back of Naraku's head.

'I got to get out of here. Everyone here is driving me mad!' Hiei thought.

And he was right because he was surrounded by past reincarnations that died. And all of them were playing cards. Hiei walked around the small circular room. Then he noticed a door. A door labeled 'The way out'

"FREEDOM!" Hiei shouted.

Everyone stared.

"Is there something you want to talk about?" Goshinki said, "We'll willingly listen because we're a happy family! Aren't we, Hiei? Yes, yes we are." Goshinki mumbled, and mumbled away while giving people a demented look.

Hiei just 'hned' and walked out the door. But one of Naraku's poisonous insect was outside the door.

"Now Hiei, what are you doing out here at this time of the night? You go back in there and play cards." The insect said with a motherly voice.

"Yes mommy." Hiei said, pouting and then walked back in to the room.

* * *

Crystal: Finished! 

Phoenix: Yay!

Crystal: And review!

Phoenix: And say happy birthday, even though it was yesterday!

Crystal: You feel unloved, don't you?

Phoenix: Yes.


	13. Phoenix's Comic

Crystal: Guess what! Phoenix came over to my house with a homemade comic-

Phoenix: A badly drawn comic!

Crystal: Yes, and now we're making it a fanfic! The sad thing is that I'm not in it. (Glare)

Phoenix: Sorry, sorry! You might get confused but stay with us! You have to guess who the girl we mentioned is!

Disclaimer: We own nothing! (Sobs) Nothing!

Warning: EVERYONE is random!

* * *

**This story is so random we don't have a title for it.**

"WE WUV YOU!" cried the Rabid Fangirls, chasing Hiei.

"Someone save me! Rabid Fangirls scare me!" Hiei yelled, running away.

All of a sudden a hole appeared and Hiei fell. "Ahhh! I'm falling!" Surprisingly he landed on something soft. "I'm so lucky that this mysterious mattress broke my fall!"

The he heard a voice. "You owe me Hiei! I saved your life!" It was a mysterious girl and Hiei was in her mad scientist's lab!

"Ugh, fine. What do I do?"

"Yay, you can be my slave!" the girl cried, happily.

Hiei's eyes popped out. "No! Anything but that!" he gasped.

The strange girl pondered, "We could also rob an ice cream store…"

"Yay! Sweet snow!" Hiei jumped with joy.

"Yay!"

**On the way to the Ice Cream Store**

"We're off to see the ice cream! The wonderful-'' sang the mad scientist.

"Shut up."

**At the Ice Cream Stor**

"Give us the lovely sweet snow!" demanded Hiei.

"Or die!" the girl said, cheerfully, holding up a gun.

The ice cream man froze. "…..Meep…."

**Back at the Mad Scientists Lab**

Hiei and the girl ate their ice cream. "We should do this all the time!" Hiei said, eating the stolen ice cream. "Oops there's a piece of the ice cream man in this one." He took another bowl.

"Ain't I smart?" the girl said, happily.

"Yay!"

"Yay!"

**With the YuYu Hakusho Gang**

"Where's Hiei?" asked Yusuke.

Kurama shrugged. "I don't know."

"I like kittens." said Kuwabara. (Crystal: He's going to say all the random things! Teehee!)

All of a sudden Hiei and the scientist girl appeared! "Oooh, people…" said Hiei.

"Isn't that Hiei?"

Kurama gasped. "O.M.G. You're right! Hiei!"

"I need the bathroom."

Yusuke looked at the girl, "Who's your friend?" he asked Hiei.

"Where we're you?" added Kurama.

"I'm perdy."

"My name is," cars went by and covered her name. "But everyone calls me, Me!"

"I robbed an ice cream store!" Hiei said, proudly.

"OH." began Kurama

"My." continued Yusuke.

"Hahahaha, Stubby….."

"God!" the shocked two finished.

"I like to smile!" said the girl.

"Ooooooh……"

"Move!" yelled Kurama pushing Yusuke and Kuwabara

"Oooh," said both the girl and Hiei.

"I'm getting the tickle feeling." shivered Kuwabara.

The girl laughed randomly. "……HAHAHAHAHA….tickle...".

"Eikichi!" cried Kuwabara, chasing a cat.

"That was mean!" Yusuke said, angrily.

Kurama agreed. "Yeah, you can't be friends with her anymore, Hiei!"

"Yeah!"

"No!" cried Hiei and the girl. "Why?"

"Child care makes me horny."

"Because of her we're all supposed to stare menacingly at walls!" explained Kurama.

"Yeah!"

"Blah."

Hiei shook his fist. "She saved me from the RFG!" (Crystal: Rabid Fangirls…)

"It's true!"

"You can save people from the RFG?" asked Kurama.

"Yep."

Yusuke stared at her with awe. "Wow…."

"She has a room that no RFG can go in!" said Hiei.

"I'm a tumor."

**In the RFG-Proof/Mad Scientists room**

"Voila! My RFG/mad scientists room!"

"HOORAY FOR NON-RFG ROOMS!" yelled everyone.

"….My mommy likes toasters…."

**With the Inuyasha and Kagome**

"My demon senses are tingling…." Inuyasha said.

Kagome burst into tears. "Oh! Inu! Save me!"

Not very far away Hiei got a strange feeling.

"My demon senses are tingling."

"Oh no!" cried Yusuke.

The girl gasped. "Let's go outside!"

"Furbies go moo…"

They all went outside and saw Inuyasha and Kagome!

"Aha!" yelled Inuyasha.

"You vile green wedgies!" added Kagome.

Hiei gave them a look. "Wtf? Who are you?"

"It's Inuyasha!" said the girl.

"Who's he?" asked Kurama, confusedly.

"Wow, a long name…." said Yusuke, who mysteriously lost his legs.

"In the ghetto…" sang Kuwabara.

Inuyasha came to conclusion. "You must die!"

"Yeah."

"Why?" asked Hiei.

The girl threw a fit. "I don't wanna die!"

**Battle!**

"You shall die!"

"Evil!"

"Die!"

"Why are you fighting?"

"Let's settle this over tea!"

"Let's get this over with!"

"WHOOPEE!"

After a few jabs and a bunch of stabs only one person was dead. It was….

"OMG! You killed Kagome! You bastards!" cried Inuyasha.

"Like tea?" asked Yusuke.

The girl giggled. "That was fun!"

"Couldn't you do something else?" asked Hiei to no one.

"What he said." said Kurama.

"Le gasp! A monkey touched my ass!" Kuwabara said.

"Teehee." Then the monkey ran away.

"You must die!" said Inuyasha, angrily.

"Why?" the girl asked.

Hiei, Kurama and Yusuke sweat dropped.

"I'm anorexic."

"You killed Kagome!" Inuyasha accused the girl.

"Oh, yeah…." The girl said, smiling at the memory.

Hiei, Kurama and Yusuke were still sweat dropping.

"Noddy's house."

"Die!"

"Le gasp!" gasped the girl.

"No!" Hiei cried.

"Why…." asked Kurama.

Yusuke shook his head. "A little extreme don't you think?"

"Ugh, look at what you're wearing." Kuwabara said, insulting the readers. (Crystal: Uh-Oh.)

"She killed Kagome!"

"I thought she was a RFG!" said the girl in her own defense.

"She can make them disappear!" Hiei explained.

"It's true!"

"Noddy noddy dingleburg!"

Inuyasha pondered that. "Good point…"

'_He bought it?' _thought the girl.

"Let's have sweet snow!" smiled Hiei.

"Yay!'

"Toga! Toga!"

Inuyasha decided to leave. "I gotta go! Bye!"

"Bye!"

"Bye!"

"Bye!"

"Goodbye, mommy!"

* * *

Phoenix: Yay! Here is the latest chapter of weird.

Crystal: Confused you, didn't we?

Phoenix: Hehehe.

Crystal: So go ahead and review your guess on whom 'the girl' is!


	14. Christmas Fanfic

Phoenix: Crystal oh-so famous brain blasts strikes again!

Crystal: (Smiles) So, you better enjoy it.

Phoenix: Or we shall attack you in your sleep.

Warning: Out of season stuff and a chauvinistic, swearing Elf.

Disclaimer: (Shifty eyes) Yes, we own nothing.

* * *

"Hello, and welcome to 'Phoenix's first job,'" Crystal said, smiling into the camera. "What job is it? Well, let's just say Phoenix is making a lot of people happy. Let's get to it!" Crystal walked over to what looked like Santa's Workshop, "This is it! Phoenix's going to be Santa!"

**In the workshop**

"Hey, Doodles," an Elf called to his supervisor.

Doodles turned to the elf who called him. "What, Mumbles?"

"We have a new boss!"

"What!" Doodles dropped the toy hammer he was working on and gaped at his friend.

Nearby, a Dwarf leaned to say something to another. "He's upset because he thought _he'd_ be the new Santa."

Doodles pushed past the other magical creatures and ran into a room with _'Santa's Room'_ engraved on the door. He looked around and saw that the room had been changed. Instead of all the good will and Christmas-y stuff he saw… "Weapons of mass destruction! What the (beep) is this!" he went to touch a plastic-looking thing.

Suddenly the door flew open and a girl barged in. "Don't touch that!" she bounded into him and pushed him out of the way before the thing exploded. The girl sighed, frustrated. "Great! Now what am I going to use on Jaken?"

Doodles stared at the girl. "Who- who are you?"

"I'm the new Santa! The name's Phoenix!"

"What! The new Santa can't be a girl!"

Phoenix gave him a glare. "Why not?"

"Because it's just not done!"

"Oh, well, you must be Doodles."

"How do you know that?" asked the discontent Elf.

"Well, I'm replacing you."

Doodle's eyes popped out. "What! With who!"

"My friend, Crystal."

At that moment Crystal walked in. "This stupid costume is too small! You can see my knees! Oh, hello Doodles." She patted Doodles on the head. "You've been demoted, little buddy!"

Doodles fumed. "I have not been demoted. You've been demoted! You've all been demoted!" His eye twitched crazily. "I'll kill you!" he pointed to Crystal.

"Huh!" Crystal looked around for protection.

"I'll kill you!" shrieked Doodles, getting out a gun and pointing it straight up at Crystal's head.

Crystal gasped.

And Doodles shot.

"……" Crystal felt her head. "Only a dent? Huh, I guess I'm bullet-proof."

Phoenix picked up Doodles by his collar. "Let's go." She threw him outside.

And then a man in an Easter bunny suit bounced by.

Crystal stopped. "Hey, stop hogging our season!" she grabbed him and threw him out. "And stay out, you egg-giving little rodent!"

* * *

"Well, the elves are done loading the toys! Come on, Crystal, it's time to deliver." Phoenix grinned turning to Crystal, who was sitting in the sled.

"Yes, deliver…." Crystal slipped a toy into her outfit. In a flash the two had taken off and were flying over Europe.

When they got to their first house Phoenix groaned. "They don't have a chimney!"

"So?" Crystal gave her a weird look.

"How am I supposed to get in?"

Crystal just sighed and went to the front door. "Like this." She punched out one of the glass windows.

"Interesting…." Phoenix walked in and put the toy underneath the tree. But when she turned around the whole family was at the stairs, staring at her. "Um, hi."

The youngest child walked up to her. "Are you Santa?"

"No, I just like breaking into people's houses and giving them presents," Phoenix said, sarcastically. "Of course, I'm Santa! That's my head Elf." She pointed to Crystal who was eyeing an expensive-looking china set.

The little girl scoffed. "She's not an Elf. Elves are small and cheery. Not big and thinking about stealing my mom's china set."

Crystal glared. "I'm more Elf then you'll ever be." she grabbed a cookie from the table.

"Nuh-uh!"

"Uh-huh!"

"Nuh-uh times infinity plus one!"

"Damn!" Crystal swore.

Phoenix shook her head and looked at the parents. "Uh, Crystal….."

Crystal looked up and saw the Father had pulled out a gun. The Father looked at them for a moment and shot. Crystal gasped, pulled the Easter Bunny out of her trousers and used him as a shield. "Let's get out of here!"

Phoenix nodded and in a second they had mounted the sled. They managed to avoid the shots but unfortunately they lost Rudolf. "Hey, wait a minute! Aren't you bullet-proof?"

"So?"

"Why'd you use the man in the Easter bunny for protection?"

Crystal shrugged. "Because I hate him. Stupid rabbit, hogging our season…"

When they got to the next house they were happy to see it had a chimney. Phoenix looked down the sooty tunnel and shook her head. "No way, you go first."

"No!" Crystal refused. Phoenix pushed her down anyways.

When Crystal got the soot out of her eyes she saw the scariest sight she's ever seen. "Oh. My. God."

Sitting in front of her was the biggest dog in the world. He put Clifford to shame.

"What? What's going on?" Phoenix called down the chimney after several minutes of waiting for Crystal to come back. When she didn't get an answer she went down herself. "Are you o…." she trailed off when she got a look at the scene in front of her. Crystal was sitting on a huge dog and petting him.

"Good doggy!" Crystal smiled, petting the dog behind his gigantic ears.

"Did you put the presents under the tree?" asked Phoenix.

Crystal froze. "Uh….."

Phoenix sighed.

After they were done with that house they moved on and on. That is, until they got to there own neighborhood. Phoenix went from house to house and finally stopped at Phoenix's. "Do I dare go in?"

"Dare."

"'Kay." Phoenix walked in and stared into her present sack. "Let's see, here's my present, mom's ….and Amal…." Phoenix's eyes lit up with mischief.

Crystal glanced at her. "What are you thinking about now?"

"Well, I was thinking maybe Amal has been naughty….."

"Aren't you a little biased?"

Phoenix pondered. "So? What's the point of being Santa if I can't reap the benefits?"

Crystal shrugged. "Eh, no hairs off my back."

"I'll pretend I didn't hear that."

* * *

Crystal: You want to guess what happened?

Phoenix: Review.

Crystal: You heard us!

Phoenix: ……Meep…..

**REVIEW**


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